Ten Best Stress-Busting Strategies!

We all lead super busy lives and I think it’s fair to say that we all deal with a mountain of stress. How do you sort it all out, how do you cope without feeling like you’re going to lose your mind?

We all know that stress can kill us, but just as importantly, stress makes us miserable. Taking care of your stress differently can radically change your life.

The 10 Stress-busting Strategies!

We’re going to walk through some specific strategies so the way to get the most out of this video is to grab a pen and paper and let’s get started;

1. Make a list of all of your most troubling stressors; what is bugging you? What weighs on your mind constantly? What demands your attention? Put them in categories like work/school, home, family, friends, life, etc.

2. Next, we need to clarify what the real demand is on our time and attention, and what is the emotional story we are dogging ourselves with that escalates it. Some of what troubles us is the demand itself; the rest of the stress is how we are emotionally reacting to the demand. For example; the work that I have due is a clear real demand on my time and attention which is causing a certain amount of stress; the way I’m talking to myself internally, judging my ability to do it, or do it well enough, or get it done on time, or how I feel about the person who asked me to do it; all of that is the added internal stress. So, clarify on your stress list; which are the real stressors and what is the internal emotional stress that is adding to that stressor.

3. Then, recognize that the internal story and stress is optional. I had a professor in graduate school at University of Connecticut who said many times every lecture, “pain is inevitable, misery, however, is optional.” I could rewrite this to say, “stress is inevitable; freaking out over it, however, is optional”. We tend to add so much stress to our stress by how we internally torture ourselves emotionally. If you stop and think about each of your stressors, ask yourself what you’re saying internally that is adding to that stress; some of us say things like, ‘you’ll never get this done, you should just get another job or quit trying, you’re useless and that’s just the way it is.’ While others dog themselves with other messages like, ‘it has to be perfect, or I’m just not going to do it’ or ‘I’ll get it done eventually; maybe next week I’ll start; I just don’t feel like it right now; I’ll do something else and get to it when I get to it. if I have to stay up all night the night before, or get an extension and say I was too stressed out, oh well.’ And still others will stew in resentment with internal dialogue like; ‘why should I do this, I hate my supervisor and am so sick of doing anything he/she says, forget it, I’m not doing it.’ All of these internal messages are debilitating. They keep us mired in mind-mud and exacerbate the real stressor by a hundred-fold. When you realize that the actual stressor is the only real stressor and the rest is optional and of your own making, you can take the optional out of the equation and lessen your stress by a hundredfold.

4. It’s crucial to realize that you can do one thing at a time well, or many things at a time poorly. I’m a lifelong multi-tasker and it turns out multi-tasking is a myth. Studies show we are actually doing a bunch of things poorly and causing ourselves a lot of stress by bouncing from thing to thing to thing. It takes on average, 11 minutes to get back on focus after a distraction, so we’re actually giving some of our attention to each thing and continually out of focus, mired in distraction after distraction. It turns out, we’re really never doing any of it as well as if we took on one thing, did it, and moved on to the next thing. This simple truth can lessen your stress a great deal, if you refuse to let yourself scatter in several directions at once and just let yourself focus on one thing at a time. If several things come at you at once, write the other things on a list and get to them later.

5. Begin the day with a plan; As a supervisor, a strategy I used to help lessen the multi-tasking I was constantly being asked to do, was I started every morning with my door closed; I got organized for the day, and made a plan. Specifically, we need to map out what is immediate, important, foundational, and visionary. The immediate is on your list for today; the important you’ll also get to if you can; the foundational is stuff you want to do to build on the future; and the visionary is stuff you dream about. When you divide your demands this way, you can get focused and stay on track for the day. When we are proactive, we feel more in control and less freaked out. When we put our tasks on paper, and then check them off as we do them, we feel more in control. Regroup at lunchtime and see what you’ve accomplished and what’s still needing your attention.

6. Breathe; I know it’s cliché but it’s science too so hear me out. If you think of your stress on a 1-10 scale, with 1 being totally calm, and 10 being completely overwhelmed, the more time you spend between 1 and 5, the more productive you are. When we are emotionally distraught, our thought processes are diminished, our ability to be focused or productive is diminished, and the less focused and productive we are, the more overwhelmed we become, and we are soon in a self-escalating spin out. Breathe, do one thing at a time and do it with a 1 to 5 calmness level. If you get to 6, take a break, take a walk, and remind yourself that nothing good happens between 6 and 10. Nothing!

7. Learn to create your best work/rest cycles. Take ten minute breaks every hour or two, depending on how you’re doing. If you’re getting bogged down, take a break. Make sure your breaks are healthy and rejuvenating; go outside, breathe, stretch, chat with a friend in the break room. Don’t get on your phone, check social media on your computer, etc. Give your mind a rest from engaging. This is also science; when we rest our minds and allow space, we are more productive and creative. Nature, in particular, is vital to rejuvenating us; so if you can, take a brisk walk outside or do some stretching. Then after ten minutes, jump back into your work. You’ll be amazed at how much more productive you feel when you practice these strategies.

8. Learn to reframe, rename, or rework the stresses that bug you, are chronic, and/or tiresome. Find some great podcasts or audible books to make your commute more fulfilling and less frustrating. When picking up after your kids for the umpteenth time, or doing the pile of dishes, or cleaning your apartment at the end of a grueling week at work, turn on music and dance around while you work. One of my favorite pieces of science is that listening to music has been shown to illuminate and reenergize the positive chemistry and activity in our brains. When we sing to music, our brains are even more lit up, and when we play an instrument and sing with others, it’s a New-Year’s-Eve-in-Times-Square kind of explosion in our heads! So, find ways to make the things that you’ve thought of as drudgery, more fun and fulfilling. When you reframe these types of stressors in a more positive light, you will feel less stressed by them.

9. Be your own best friend; be encouraging and not negative. Notice and change how you talk to yourself and you will notice how you feel differently. This includes giving yourself an internal, ‘yay, you did it!’ every time you accomplish something, even if it’s just cleaning the house or loading the dishwasher.

10. And finally, reinforce it all each day by wrapping up your day with a self-assessment; how did you do with managing your stressors today? Did you list your stressors; notice the internal ‘freak out’ voice and calm it down; did you organize your day; did you breathe; did you do one thing at a time; did you take healthy breaks; did you make the drudgery fun; and did you celebrate each success?

We all know that stress can kill us, but just as importantly, stress makes us miserable. Taking care of your stress differently can radically change your life.